Ryan.

Easter 2014

Today's post is probably going to be a bit too sappy for many of you…too bad.  No one is forcing you to read on! ;)

…

I remember when my mom met Ryan.  He was at our house helping celebrate my birthday.  I remember being surrounded by family and friends, and my mom leaning over and whispering in my ear, "That boy likes you!" I laughed her off.  "He's just my friend!"

Fast forward a few months later, and I came to find out that he did indeed like me :) We began dating shortly thereafter, and were engaged a year and a half later.  When we married, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world!  I've read a few articles and blog posts by other women who want us to lose the charm in "marrying our best friend", or dating our best friend, but I don't think I'll ever agree with that mentality.  Ryan truly is my best friend, and I wouldn't change being married to my best friend for anything.  When our "love-y dove-y" moments aren't in full effect, we are able to spend time together as friends.  We're even lucky enough to be in the same ministry together (which is actually how we met).

Valentine's Day 2015

Throughout our marriage, and while I was pregnant, Ryan has continually shown me what it means to love someone unconditionally.  He's one of the few people who (whether he realizes it or not), has truly grasped what it means to have a real servants heart.  Now, before 39 of you start yelling that I just called him my slave, I did no such thing.  Hear me when I say this - this man has repeatedly shown me what it means to just love someone by putting their needs above his own.  He is one of the most selfless people I know, and really does know what it means to put others first, which is exactly what Jesus calls us to do as humans.

When Emmett passed, I did not know what to do with myself.  There are still days where that seems to still be the case.  Giving birth, I remember Ryan remaining by my side, holding my hand, calmly coaching me through the most painful (in every sense) experience of my life.  I remember looking over and seeing his big blue eyes, and hearing him tell me over and over how great I was doing.  Afterwards, when I saw him holding Emmett, I cried, thinking about what a wonderful father he is to our son, even though we didn't get to have him.  Throughout the day, while I laid there, physically and emotionally exhausted and in shock, he didn't leave my side.  (Except once, because we needed real coffee. ;)  That night, when we said goodbye to Emmett, we laid in my awkward hospital bed and cried together, and yet all I could think about was how I didn't know how I could get through this without Ryan.

~February 2012

I remember coming home from the hospital, I was in a dazed blur.  Even getting into the car, I was sobbing (unfortunately, on our way out, I had to be wheeled past five mothers and their new babies.  It was as awful as that sounds).  I sat in the seat, and looked out the window at the hospital, agonizing yet again why this had to happen to us.  Within moments of us driving, I was sobbing again.  When we got home, I don't know how I was able to do anything.  I was barely able to put one foot in front of another.  We came inside, and seeing that all of the baby things had been put away, set me off again.  The torturous feeling of knowing this is our reality almost knocked the wind out of me.  I remember laying in bed, and Ryan staying by my side, holding me, crying with me.  Every little thing I needed, but couldn't bring myself to do, Ryan helped me with.

I'm writing all of this down because I want to do my best to honor my husband.  This blog is a documentation of our messy, but beautiful, life.  I am so thankful that I get to be married to my best friend (that's not a bad thing, to everyone who's trying to make that seem like a bad thing, it's not, so stop).  I am so thankful that he is the father of our child.  I am thankful that I get to wake up beside him everyday.  Our life isn't perfect, but it's ours.  We own it and try to see the good in everything that happens, and everything we do.

I'll stop there…I could go on and on, but you'd probably get bored. :)

7.7.12

Thank you for loving me, Ryan.