One month.

The beautiful sunset on the way home from the cemetery the other night.

Today Emmett would have been one month old.

I can't help but wonder what the past month would have looked like, had he lived.  I wonder how we would be surviving as first time parents (joking…kind of).  I wonder how blissful and exhausting the last four weeks would have felt.  Instead, I find myself wondering how soon his headstone will be in the ground.  I think about how the only celebration we had wasn't a first birthday party, or church dedication, or whatever, but a funeral.  I think about the one day we had to spend with him, and how I was able to hold him.  I think about how hard I tried to memorize every detail of his tiny body, from his long toes to his perfect little mouth to how much he looked so much like Ryan.

…

Happy one month, little Emmett.  We miss you so much.  The hole you left in my heart is immeasurable in size.  I know I've said it a million times, but I really can't wait to see and hold you again.