Regarding our online grief support group.

When we were in the hospital, I spoke with a couple of social workers, who provided me with some pamphlets and lists of grief support groups.  I had people from all over the world reaching out, messaging and emailing, letting me know they were there for me.

Over the past couple of months, the texts, messages, emails and calls have dwindled.  I think I've said it before, but in case I haven't made it clear, I don't expect people to fawn all over us, all the time.  I get that your life goes on, I get that you don't think of my son everyday like I do, because the loss didn't effect you as greatly, or maybe we aren't as close as we used to be, so you feel funny saying anything.

One of the first things I did in the weeks following Emmett's passing, was reread every post on Scribbles and Crumbs, which is a blog written by Lexi Behrndt.  I followed Lexi's story when her son Charlie, was born last year and diagnosed with CHD.  I remember praying for Charlie, and his family, and crying some big, ugly tears when he passed.  I really never thought I'd go through something as tragic as the loss of a child.  Granted, it was a different kind of loss, when Emmett passed, but still a loss.  I wound up reaching out to Lexi, because it seemed easier to reach out to a stranger on the internet, who had vocalized some of the emotions I was (am) experiencing.  She was so kind, and responded right away.  Soon after, I joined a small, online grief group she has organized, and met several women who have experienced the loss of a child, (some have lost more than one, it's heartbreaking).

This group of women has helped me more than they know.  They bravely open up and share when they're hurting.  When someone posts at 1 am about how they can't sleep, there's usually at least one or or two others awake, quick to respond with words of comfort and support.  They rally around one another, and have not hesitated to offer a helping hand.  It's absolutely incredible to me.  Most of us haven't met in person, (hopefully one day we can), but it hasn't stopped the love.

Today I want to express my public gratitude for those women.  I have not been able or willing to attend "real" support groups, but this one is as real as it gets.  Our hearts are raw, and we try to be vulnerable with one another, and I so appreciate each of you.  I don't rejoice that we know this pain, but I do thank God that we can walk this dark road together.  When I say I am praying for you, please know I am so sincere.  Believe me, I know that can sound so cliché, but it's the truth.  I wish I could see all of you, and wrap my arms around you.  I hate that we have lost our children, but I take hope in knowing that we'll see them again one day.  I hate that we have to experience this pain, but I am truly, truly thankful for your encouraging words.  Even though I'm not the most active participant on the page, your words and kindness towards one another has permanently impacted my heart.