Sore from having just given birth a few days prior, I was walking rather slow. I soon overheard some girls behind me making fun of my slow walk. I felt myself starting to cry, then I was just angry! How dare they be so rude! How could they even care so much over something so stupid? Why are they judging me, don't they know what I'm going through? Which is when it hit me…they have no idea.
They don't know that my son just passed away. They didn't know I had just given birth, which had simultaneously become the best and worst thing I have ever done. They didn't know I was walking "like a cowboy" because I had just experienced a seriously fast, non-epidural birth. (Ouch…worth it, but ouch.) They just knew I was a random girl, who was moving too slow for their liking.
Which got me to thinking…
I could very easily be those girls. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have been those girls! I have silently (or not so silently), been rude and judgmental of other people before. I've snapped and totally lost my patience with the cranky waitress who has an attitude problem, I've drummed my fingers impatiently while on the phone with an annoying customer who just seemed irate for no reason. I never really stopped long enough to think and consider that maybe these people had a tragedy in their lives, that was putting them in the frame of mind that they were in in that moment.
Now that I've been walking through this journey of grief and loss, I feel like I'm slowly becoming more sensitive to other people. I wonder about each person's story. I was always kind of like that, even before this, but now I truly wonder what people are going through, and how it's shaping them - their hearts, attitude, mind. I remember in the past, driving down the highway with Ryan and commenting, "Isn't it crazy how all of these people that we're passing have a life? They all have stories; they all have hurts and frustrations. We think our own life is crazy and out of control sometimes, that our circumstances are of this great magnitude, but everyone around us has their own circumstances that their battling. Isn't that just crazy?!"
I know I sound a little loony, but I'm okay with that. This is how my brain works. (It's kind of interesting to me how this blog is basically allowing you to see inside of my head…you get to see all of the crazy thoughts that bounce around in my mind, you lucky thing, you!)
In a world where people tend to be very self-centered, it has become so easy to judge one another. It has become too easy to make nasty, underhanded comments about others, only to pass it off as a "harmless" joke. The older I get though, and now after experiencing my own personal tragedy, I realize how dangerous it is to continue down that path. If I have learned anything through this, it is this: we just never know what a person might be going through. Not that any experience, even one as difficult as mine, is an excuse to behave in whatever way we want, we should still at least try to be kind to one another. I can't help but to think though, what this world could look like if we at least tried to have a little more grace for one another. What kind of society we could have if we could learn to be gentle with one another all of the time, not just when someone is outwardly and publicly grieving or struggling. How much more peaceful we would be if we would just be nice to one another!
"Be gracious if it kills you." It's a phrase I've repeated to myself countless times over the past few years, as I've started to mature. When I read it, it ingrained itself in my mind, and I try to hang onto the thought when people really start to push my buttons. I am in no position (never have been, never will be), to judge anyone. As a Christian, I'm called to a standard of love (John 13:34). As a human being, I still feel called to that standard. In my mildly uninformed opinion, it's love that keeps us going; it's being kind to one another that (I think) keeps the world from completely falling to pieces.
I don't know your struggles, I don't know your pain. All I know is what I believe in, which is that because God is so gracious, He gave His Son for me, so that I may live forever, in freedom. I know that I feel better and find more joy in being kind, and in being gentle with others. When I am mindful of my tongue, and what comes out of my mouth, I feel at peace. I truly hope that I can hold onto those feelings. (Especially now that I know how badly it can hurt when someone is rude and judgmental.) I may never know the impact my attitude is having on a complete stranger, so whenever possible, I hope I remember to choose joy and love.
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