Hello again!

Wow!

It has been way too long, little blog o' mine!  Oh, I've missed you.  Missed rambling, and whining, and sharing, and so on.

Okay, okay…truth be told, I've been logging in and writing, but not sharing the posts.  Mainly because I found out I was pregnant (!!!), and wasn't ready to share it with the world, but SO ready to talk about it (even if I was just talking to myself).  I hope to share a few of those drafts soon though, because they're all really relevant thoughts to those of us who are experiencing, or have experienced, a loss and the rediscovery of hope through pregnancy after the loss.  (And let's not forget about the fear, paranoia, and sleeplessness that is accompanying this exhilarating ride known as my life.)

I have kept busy these past few weeks.  Sadly, one of the posts I have drafted is about my sweet grandmother, who passed away a couple of weeks ago.  There has been way too much loss in my life this year.  I have repeatedly prayed and told God, "No. More."  Because it's exhausting!  Grieving is hard, and (obviously) it's something you never want to go through.  I'm really hoping to share that one this week, it's just been very emotional for me as I've worked on it.  Her passing was rather sudden and somewhat unexpected, so our family has taken it pretty hard…but we once again cling to our great and only hope!  (And I get goosebumps and so many tears when I think about Nana cuddling with Emmett, it's just a wonderful thing to think about.)

As I look forward to the future, I feel hopeful that it can be wonderful.  Do you follow me on
Instagram?  I recently shared a piece of art with the wording, "Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful". It struck such a chord in me, because it's true!  My life is certainly not perfect.  I struggle daily, and I'm human - sometimes I'm mean, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm happy.  I live a real life. I go through so many emotions, especially with all of the crazy activity lately.  I've been spending a lot of time focusing on things I love to do, like baking macarons (more on that later), and focusing on the people I love (liiiike Ryan *cue the heart eyes emoji*).  The past six months have really taught me how to look inward, and work on what I see there.  I am trying to be more patient and have compassion for people.  Somedays I do really well, and sometimes…not so much.  I still visit Emmett at least once a week at the cemetery, and I have, on more than one occasion, broken down as I stare at his gravestone. I really don't think that pain is going to just go away…but I digress.

I'm getting so far ahead of myself, and I don't want to repeat myself in future posts too much, so I'll cut this short, and end on this note: in the coming days, I'm hoping to use this place once again as a place of healing.  The immediate days following Emmett's death, and the initial postings, were so incredibly therapeutic for me.  I cherish each post, and love looking at how far I have come.  As time is moving forward, I look forward to sharing other parts of my life, not just the grief parts.  I will continue to post and talk about grief, because I feel very strongly that it's something we should not shy away from.  I believe we should normalize the craziness that is grief.  It's quite a ride, and I don't know that it ever ends, but it should never cause someone to be ostracized.  So, while I'll still talk about grief, I want to also share other, more fun parts of life.  From baking, to projects, to pregnancy and baby prep, and sharing about Jesus…I just hope to use this space to positively impact the world.

If you've made it this far, I would like to give you a cookie as a reward, but I can't do that.  Someday the internet will probably be that crazy, but for now, I will settle for thank you.  Thank you for reading, for supporting, for praying, for cheering me on, and all of the encouragement.  It truly means the world to me!

(Here's the little video we shared on Facebook to announce our pregnancy, if you'd like to watch! :)